Log No. 1 – March 4th 2015

Dear -D-,

I have always loved writing. To me it puts my mind into a clearer perspective and with it, I found ways to express myself better than when I am speaking. Not that I do not like face to face interaction, but being an expressive person could really get you into tight spots when you talk face to face with someone, and sometimes it just lead you into more trouble than you deserve.

Writing on the other hand, put what you want to say right in front of your eyes so that you may digress them first before sprouting them out (and with computers you got to edit it too). Well anyway, that’s probably why I’ve decided to start writing again. It has been on and off for several years now as the last time I kept a consistent recorded journal is back when I was in Singapore (I wrote more in my journal than in my school notes, and it reached 3 stacks of fully completed journals). Come to think of it, it was such a pity that those journals got lost during the transitions.

So that’s the good thing about writing on a blog as the internet will always archive things that you’ve posted online (Reminder not to post anything that may lead me into trouble, but then again, THIS IS the INTERNET)

So why now you may ask?

In all honesty, I do not know the answer to that question. I have been feeling all sorts of things since the start of 2015. For example, I feel that my life is getting nowhere at the moment. It feels like it sorts of floating around with no real purpose or intention. Yes, I have a job, and NO, I am not in any relationship right now (working on that at the moment, and hoping for the best, but ‘sigh’, you’ll never know), and overall things are just fine. But I’m not okay with ‘just fine’. Frankly speaking, life is a bit dull. The routine, the assignments, the jokes, the gossip, the small talks.

Then there’s you.

Yes, you D.

I haven’t felt what I am feeling right now for quite sometimes. Not since 2012 in fact, and it scares the hell out of me. I fear that things might not work out. Usually it never does. I suck at relationship. But I want you, because you are special. Because you are who you are, and because life has brought you to me. I do not want ‘you and me’ with you. I want us, and I know I have been too eager in pursuing this feeling. I know I tend to be a little bit too fast with things, and I am sorry. I’m just not a good flirter, but I assure you that all my feelings are true.

It’s rare to find someone who likes Star Wars and Travelling. Who likes baking and Harry Potter, and you are just that kind of person. You make me curious. You are making me worried sick when you’re working so late into the night.

I want you to be my PLAN A to Z.

I know this is ridiculous. We have only known each other for a month. But feelings like this often does not make any sense.

So I guess, I started writing again because of you.

Thanks D, for bringing writing back to my life.

Yours always,

Nic

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